第十五章（第2/10页）

She was quivering, watching her real opportunity for leaving him altogether, waiting till the time, herself himself should be ripe.

她激动得全身震颤，等待着真正机会的到来，可以完全脱离他的束缚，等待着她和他都成熟的一天。

She sat and talked to the keeper of her going abroad.

她坐在守林人家中，说起自己要出国旅行的事情。

"And then when I come back," she said, "I can tell Clifford I must leave him. And you and I can go away. They never need even know it is you. We can go to another country, shall we? To Africa or Australia. Shall we?" She was quite thrilled by her plan.

“等我回来，”她说，“就会跟克利福德摊牌，告诉他我要离开。你我便可以远走高飞。他们甚至都不会知道我的情郎是你。我们可以离开英国，不是吗？去非洲或者澳大利亚。没错吧？”讲到自己对未来的计划，康妮激动不已。

"You've never been to the Colonies, have you?" he asked her.

“你从未去过殖民地，对吧？”他问她。

"No! Have you?" "I've been in India, and South Africa, and Egypt.” "Why shouldn't we go to South Africa?” "We might!" He said slowly.

“没有！你呢？”“我去过印度、南非还有埃及。”“咱俩干嘛不去南非呢？”“或许可以去！”他慢吞吞地说。

"Or don't you want to?" she asked.

“或许你并不想去？”她问。

"I don't care. I don't much care what I do.” "Doesn't it make you happy? why not? we shan't be poor. I have about six hundred a year, I wrote and asked. It's not much, but it's enough, isn't it?” "It's riches to me.” "Oh, how lovely it will be!"

“我不在乎。去哪里我都无所谓。”“你不高兴吗？为什么？我们不会受穷的。我每年能得到600英镑，我之前写信问过。虽然不多，但也足够咱俩过活，不是吗？”“对我而言，已经算一大笔钱。”“噢，那时的生活该是多么美妙！”

"But I ought to get divorced, and so ought you, unless we're going to have complications.” There was plenty to think about.

“可我应该先办好离婚手续，你也一样，否则准会麻烦不断。”方方面面的事情，都要考虑周详。

Another day she asked him about himself. They were in the hut, and there was a thunderstorm.

还有一天，她问起他的过往。他俩呆在林间小屋里，外面雷雨交加。

"And weren't you happy, when you were a lieutenant and an officer and a gentleman?” "Happy? all right. I liked my Colonel." "Did you love him?" "Yes! I loved him." "And did he love you?" "Yes! In a way, he loved me." "Tell me about him." "What is there to tell? he had risen from the ranks. He loved the army. And he had never married. He was twenty years older than me. He was a very intelligent man: and alone in the army, as such a man is: a passionate man in his way: and a very clever officer. I lived under his spell while I was with him. I sort of let him run my life. And I never regret it.” "And did you mind very much when he died?" "I was as near death myself. But when I came to, I knew another part of me was finished. But then I had always known it would finish in death. All things do, as far as that goes." She sat and ruminated. The thunder crashed outside. It was like being in a little ark in the Flood.

“你以前做过中尉，身为军官和上等人，你觉得开心吗？”“开心？还好。我喜欢自己的上校。”“你爱他吗？”“是的！我爱他。”“他也爱你？”“没错！从某方面来讲，他的确爱我。”“跟我讲讲他的事情。”“从何说起呢？他出身行伍。他热爱军队。他终身未娶。比我年长20岁。他聪明睿智，独来独往，但却待人热诚，是个极有才能的军官。我在他麾下的时候，完全被他倾倒。我自始至终听命于他。并且心甘情愿。”“他撒手人寰，你肯定非常伤心？”“跟我自己死掉差不多。当我恢复健康，深知失去的情感永远无法再挽回。但我早知道结果会是如此。其实，这道理可以推及任何事情。”她坐在那里，反复思索着他的话。屋外雷声阵阵。这小屋就像大洪水中的一叶方舟。

"You seem to have such a lot behind you," she said.

“你的人生似乎有太多故事。”她说。

"Do I? It seems to me I've died once or twice already. Yet here I am, pegging on, and in for more trouble.” She was thinking hard, yet listening to the storm.

“是吗？我感觉自己已经死过一两次。但我依然活着，苟且偷生，准备迎接更多的烦忧。”她冥思苦想着，耳边暴风雨的怒号始终不绝。

"And weren't you happy as an officer and a gentleman, when your Colonel was dead?” "No! They were a mingy lot." he laughed suddenly. "The Colonel used to say: Lad, the English middle classes have to chew every mouthful thirty times because their guts are so narrow, a bit as big as a pea would give them a stoppage. They're the mingiest set of ladylike snipe ever invented: full of conceit of themselves, frightened even if their boot-laces aren't correct, rotten as high game, and always in the right. That's what finishes me up. Kow-tow, kow-tow, arse-licking till their tongues are tough: yet they're always in the right. Prigs on top of everything. Prigs! A generation of ladylike prigs with half a ball each—” Connie laughed. The rain was rushing down.

“上校死后，你依然享受作为军官和上层人士的生活吗？”“不！他们都太过卑劣。”他突然笑出声来。“上校曾经说过：孩子，英国的中产阶级们每吃一口饭，必须咀嚼30下，因为他们的肠道太窄，即使是颗豌豆，也会将其阻塞。他们卑鄙下流，世间罕有，跟娘们无异。他们自视甚高，鞋带系错，都会大惊小怪。他们如腐肉般糜烂，且总自以为是。我就毁在他们手里。卑躬屈膝，溜须拍马，舔屁股舔得舌头都生茧，但依然自以为是。自命不凡到了极点。假道学！这代人都是自鸣得意的道学先生，其实不过是只有半个睾丸的娘娘腔……”康妮笑了起来。雨如倾盆。

"He hated them!"

“他恨他们！”

"No," said he. "He didn't bother. He just disliked them. There's a difference. Because, as he said, the Tommies are getting just as priggish and half-balled and narrow-gutted. It's the fate of mankind, to go that way.” "The common people too, the working people?" "All the lot. Their spunk is gone dead. Motor-cars and cinemas and aeroplanes suck that last bit out of them. I tell you, every generation breeds a more rabbity generation, with india rubber tubing for guts and tin legs and tin faces. Tin people! It's all a steady sort of bolshevism just killing off the human thing, and worshipping the mechanical thing. Money, money, money! All the modern lot get their real kick out of killing the old human feeling out of man, making mincemeat of the old Adam and the old Eve. They're all alike. The world is all alike: kill off the human reality, a quid for every foreskin, two quid for each pair of balls. What is cunt but machine—fucking! It's all alike. Pay 'em money to cut off the world's cock. Pay money, money, money to them that will take spunk out of mankind, and leave 'em all little twiddling machines.” He sat there in the hut, his face pulled to mocking irony. Yet even then, he had one ear set backwards, listening to the storm over the wood. It made him feel so alone.