第十六章（第11/14页）

"All I mean," she said from her entrenchment, "is that I doubt if you'll find it's been worth it, either of you!” "One man's meat is another man's poison," he said, out of the darkness. "But it's meat an'drink to me.

“我要留下的忠告是，”希尔达坐在车里说，“你们俩恐怕都将悔之晚矣！”“萝卜青菜，各有所爱。”他站在阴影中反驳道。“对我而言，这是件两全其美的好事。”

The lights flared out.

车灯亮起。

"Don't make me wait in the morning,” "No, I won't. Goodnight!” The car rose slowly on to the highroad, then slid swiftly away, leaving the night silent.

“明早别让我等你。”“知道，我不会让你等的。晚安！”车子缓缓爬上公路，接着飞驰而去，只留下寂静无声的夜。

Connie timidly took his arm, and they went down the lane. He did not speak. At length she drew him to a standstill.

康妮娇羞地挽起他的手臂，踏上回程的道路。他依旧不愿做声。最后，她伸手拉住他。

"Kiss me!" She murmured.

“吻我！”她低声说。

"Nay, wait a bit! Let me simmer down," he said.

“别介，等会再说！让我冷静一下。”他说。

That amused her. She still kept hold of his arm, and they went quickly down the lane, in silence. She was so glad to be with him, just now. She shivered, knowing that Hilda might have snatched her away. He was inscrutably silent.

这话让她觉得很好笑。她仍然挎着他的胳膊，两人默默无言，疾步往回赶。此时此刻，能与他共处，便让她感到无比快乐。想起希尔达差点将他俩拆散，她不禁心有余悸。沉默不语的他显得高深莫测。

When they were in the cottage again, she almost jumped with pleasure, that she should be free of her sister.

两人再度回到农舍，她几乎雀跃起来，总算摆脱了姐姐的管束。

"But you were horrid to Hilda," she said to him.

“可你刚才对希尔达太凶了。”她埋怨他说。

"She should ha'been slapped in time.” "But why? And she's so nice.” He didn't answer, went round doing the evening chores, with a quiet, inevitable sort of motion. He was outwardly angry, but not with her. So Connie felt. And his anger gave him a peculiar handsomeness, an inwardness and glisten that thrilled her and made her limbs go molten.

“她应该吃到耳光的。”“为什么呀？她可是个好人。”他没搭理她，只是默默忙着晚间要做的琐事。他怒气未消，但却并非针对她。康妮能感觉到这点。愤怒的他显得格外俊朗，那种内敛的光芒让她心醉神迷，四肢绵软无力。

Still he took no notice of her.

他依旧对她不理不睬。

Till he sat down and began to unlace his boots. Then he looked up at her from under his brows, on which the anger still sat firm.

最后，他坐下来，开始解长靴的鞋带。他抬头看着她，紧皱的眉宇间依然笼罩着怒火。

"Shan't you go up?" he said. "There's a candle!” He jerked his head swiftly to indicate the candle burning on the table. She took it obediently, and he watched the full curve of her hips as she went up the first stairs.

“你想上楼去吗？”他问。“那儿有蜡烛！”他迅速地歪了歪头，示意康妮去取桌上燃着的蜡烛。她听话地拿起蜡烛，拾级而上，而他的目光早已在那丰满的臀部上游移。

It was a night of sensual passion, in which she was a little startled and almost unwilling: yet pierced again with piercing thrills of sensuality, different, sharper, more terrible than the thrills of tenderness, but, at the moment, more desirable. Though a little frightened, she let him have his way, and the reckless, shameless sensuality shook her to her foundations, stripped her to the very last, and made a different woman of her. It was not really love. It was not voluptuousness. It was sensuality sharp and searing as fire, burning the soul to tinder.

那是个令性欲高涨的夜晚，让她颇感讶异，甚至有些抗拒，在最紧关截要的时刻，肉欲的快感再次将她征服，它与温情的愉悦不同，更加紧张刺激，更加酣畅淋漓。虽然心如鹿撞，但她依然任他恣意驰骋，赤裸裸的情欲摇撼着她的胸衣，将她彻底剥得身无片缕，变成与往日不同的全新女子。那其实并非爱情的驱使。甚至不是情欲在作祟。那只是对快感的追求，如熊熊烈火般猛烈炽热，将整个灵魂全部点燃。

Burning out the shames, the deepest, oldest shames, in the most secret places. It cost her an effort to let him have his way and his will of her. She had to be a passive, consenting thing, like a slave, a physical slave. Yet the passion licked round her, consuming, and when the sensual flame of it pressed through her bowels and breast, she really thought she was dying: yet a poignant, marvellous death.

这火焰在最私密的所在肆虐着，将最深刻古老的羞耻心彻底烧尽。康妮卖力地迎合着他的意志与欲求。她只是被动地逢迎着，仿佛是个奴隶，肉欲的奴隶。欲火舔舐着她的全身，将她吞噬，当火焰穿透她的酥胸，焚烧着她的脏腑，她真的感觉自己就要死去，那种体验痛快淋漓，妙至毫巅。

She had often wondered what Abélard meant, when he said that in their year of love he and Héloïse had passed through all the stages and refinements of passion. The same thing, a thousand years ago: ten thousand years ago! The same on the Greek vases, everywhere! The refinements of passion, the extravagances of sensuality! And necessary, forever necessary, to burn out false shames and smelt out the heaviest ore of the body into purity. With the fire of sheer sensuality.

阿贝拉尔（注：1079-1142，法国经院哲学家，神学家，先驱逻辑学家）说过，自己与埃洛伊兹（注：1101？-1164，法国修女，作家，学者，曾任女修道院院长，与阿贝拉尔的恋情更是成为传奇）相爱的岁月里，曾将情欲的所有花样和妙处都尝遍，康妮常常因此感到迷惑不解。原来性欲之美，千百年前的先人就已体验！描写性爱的画作在希腊古瓶上随处可见！激情的微妙，性欲的放纵！让欲火将伪善的羞耻烧光，将体内最沉重的矿石熔化，达到纯洁的境地，必须让它燃烧，无休无止地燃烧下去。那是纯纯粹粹的情欲之火。

In the short summer night she learnt so much. She would have thought a woman would have died of shame. Instead of which, the shame died. Shame, which is fear: the deep Organic shame, the old, old physical fear which crouches in the bodily roots of us, and can only be chased away by the sensual fire, at last it was roused up and routed by the phallic hunt of the man, and she came to the very heart of the jungle of herself. She felt, now, she had come to the real bed-rock of her nature, and was essentially shameless. She was her sensual self, naked and unashamed. She felt a triumph, almost a vainglory. So! That was how it was! That was life! That was how oneself really was! There was nothing left to disguise or be ashamed of. She shared her ultimate nakedness with a man, another being.