第十八章（第6/10页）

“别跟我提起她。”“不行！你得听我说。因为你曾经喜欢过她。曾经跟她亲密无间，就像现在跟我一样。所以，你得告诉我实话。憎恨昔日亲密的爱侣，这是不是有些可怕？原因又是什么呢？”“我不知道。她随时随地做好与我作对的准备，从头至尾，无时无刻，她那恐怖的女性意志，她任性胡为的脾气！女人可怕的自由意志最终会演变成为世间最残忍的行为！噢，她总是我行我素，处处跟我针锋相对，就像往我脸上泼硫酸。”“但即使是现在，她依然对你纠缠不休。难道她依然爱着你？”“不，不是那样！她对我纠缠不休，只是因为她怀有切齿的痛恨，誓要让我付出代价。”“可她肯定爱过你。”“不！哦，确实有过一点。她为我所吸引。我想就连这都已成为她忌恨的原因。她间或对我流露出爱意。但她总会将爱收回，然后开始折磨我。她最大的愿望就是折磨我，想要改变她完全是徒劳。她的初衷本就是错的。”“可或许她觉得你并未全身心地爱她，希望借此让你这样做。”“天呢，这种方式也太过分了。”“可你并未真正爱过她，不是吗？是你让她越陷越深。”“我又能怎样？起初我也想过。起初我也想要爱她。但不知为何，她总想将我撕成碎片。不，别提这些了。这就叫做在劫难逃。这女人就是我的灾星。这回就是明证，要是法律允许，我早就请她吃枪子儿了，就像对付白鼬一样。她满嘴疯话，简直像头化成人形的野兽。我早该一枪送她归西，就可以让这些倒霉事画上句号。干嘛阻止我这样做呢？女人要是完全被自我意志所支配，而这种意志又与一切为敌，这绝对是件可怕的事情，她最终的归宿就应该是饮弹而亡。”“要是换成男人，是否也应该是这种下场呢？”“是呀！——男人也一样！可我必须甩掉她，否则准会纠缠不放。我早想跟你说。只要有可能，我必须尽快离婚。因此，我们得倍加小心。我们在一起的时候，不能被旁人发现。如果她胆敢对你我胡言乱语，我绝不会放过这婆娘。”康妮考虑着他的话。

"Then we can't be together?" she said.

“那么说，咱俩要分开一段时间？”她问。

"Not for six months or so. But I think my divorce will go through in September; then till March." "But the baby will probably be born at the end of February," she said.

“大约六个月左右。但我想离婚的事九月便能被受理，等到明年三月就行。”“可宝宝二月底可能就会降生。”她说。

He was silent.

他默不作声。

"I could wish the Cliffords and Berthas all dead," he said.

“我多希望克利福德和贝莎这号人都死光光。”他说。

"It's not being very tender to them," she said.

“这样对他们可缺乏柔情。”她说。

"Tender to them? Yea, even then the tenderest thing you could do for them, perhaps, would be to give them death. They can't live! They only frustrate life. Their souls are awful inside them. Death ought to be sweet to them. And I ought to be allowed to shoot them.” "But you wouldn't do it," she said.

“对他们报以柔情？是呀，给他们最大的柔情，或许就是送他们去死。他们不可以留在这世上！他们只会成为生活的阻碍。他们的灵魂丑陋无比。死亡已是他们最美妙的结局。真应该让我结束他们的性命。”“可你不会那样做的。”她说。

"I would though! and with less qualms than I shoot a weasel. It anyhow has a prettiness and a loneliness. But they are legion. Oh, I'd shoot them.” "Then perhaps it is just as well you daren't.” "Well." Connie had now plenty to think of. It was evident he wanted absolutely to be free of Bertha Coutts. And she felt he was right. The last attack had been too grim—— This meant her living alone, till spring. Perhaps she could get divorced from Clifford. But how? If Mellors were named, then there was an end to his divorce. How loathsome! Couldn't one go right away, to the far ends of the earth, and be free from it all? One could not. The far ends of the world are not five minutes from Charing Cross, nowadays. While the wireless is active, there are no far ends of the earth. Kings of Dahomey and Lamas of Tibet listen in to London and New York.

“我会的！射杀黄鼠狼或许我还会有所犹豫。毕竟这种动物还拥有某种孤寂的美。可他们确实随处可见的人渣。噢，我要崩了他们。”“或许你不敢这样做。”“呵。”康妮现在有太多事情要费神。很明显，他的的确确想要摆脱贝莎·库茨。她也认同他的想法。最后的斗争总是异常残酷——这意味着她要独自过活，等待春天的来临。或许她也可以跟克利福德离婚。可到底要怎么做呢？如果说出梅勒斯的名字，那么他离婚的事也会随之告吹。真可恶！难道就不能远遁他乡，逃到天涯海角，摆脱这一切吗？不能这么做。今时今日，天涯海角距离查灵街不过五分钟的距离。只要有无线电通讯，天涯不过咫尺。无论达荷美（注：贝宁的旧称）的国王，还是西藏的喇嘛，都听得到伦敦和纽约的电波。

Patience! Patience! The world is a vast and ghastly intricacy of mechanism, and one has to be very wary, not to get mangled by it.

忍耐！忍耐！辽阔的世界就像错综复杂的机械系统，必须谨小慎微，否则就会被碾成齑粉。

Connie confided in her father.

康妮向父亲倾吐心事。

"You see, Father, he was Clifford's game-keeper: but he was an officer in the army in India. Only he is like Colonel C. E. Florence, who preferred to become a private soldier again.”

“听着，爸爸，他是克利福德的守林人，但曾经在印度做过军官。可他就像C.E.弗洛伦斯上校，渴望重新做回二等兵。”

Sir Malcolm, however, had no sympathy with the unsatisfactory mysticism of the famous C. E. Florence. He saw too much advertisement behind all the humility. It looked just like the sort of conceit the knight most loathed, the conceit of self-abasement.

可惜，对于梅勒斯关于那个著名的C.E.弗洛伦斯上校的、不知满足的空想，马尔科姆爵士并无任何好感。他觉得那谦逊外表的背后，藏着的更多是自我标榜。似乎这种自负，名贬实褒的自负，恰恰是老爵士最为厌恶的。

"Where did your game-keeper spring from?" asked Sir Malcolm irritably.

“你的守林人从哪里蹦出来的？”马尔科姆爵士气冲冲地问。

"He was a collier's son in Tevershall. But he's absolutely presentable.” The knighted artist became more angry.