第十四章（第5/11页）

"I hated it. And she hated me. My God, how she hated me before that child was born! I often think she conceived it out of hate. Anyhow, after the child was born I left her alone. And then came the war, and I joined up. And I didn't come back till I knew she was with that fellow at Stacks Gate.

“我恨这一切。她却埋怨我。上帝啊，孩子出生之前，她对我的恨简直比海还深。我常想，这孩子是不是她跟仇恨生的。不管怎样，孩子出生后，我便不再理睬她。接着，大战爆发，我就入了伍。直到听说她跟了个斯塔克斯门的家伙，我才回到特弗沙尔。”

He broke off, pale in the face.

他稍作停顿，脸早已失去血色。

"And what is the man at Stacks Gate like?" Asked Connie.

“斯塔克斯门的那个男人长什么样？”康妮问。

"A big baby sort of fellow, very low-mouthed. She bullies him, and they both drink.” "My word, if she came back!" "My God, yes! I should just go, disappear again." There was a silence. The pasteboard in the fire had turned to grey ash.

“像个大男孩，满嘴脏话。她对他任意欺凌，两人还都酗酒。”“天呢，要是她回来怎么办！”“上帝，是啊！那我就赶紧溜走，销声匿迹。”两人都陷入沉默。炉火中的照片已经燃尽，变成灰色的粉末。

"So when you did get a woman who wanted you," said Connie, "you got a bit too much of a good thing." "Ay! Seems so! Yet even then I'd rather have her than the never-never ones: the white love of my youth, and that other poison-smelling lily, and the rest.” "What about the rest?" Said Connie.

“这么说，你得到乐于性事的女人之后，自己却又有过犹不及的感觉。”康妮说。“唉！似乎确实如此！但若时光倒流，我还是会选择她，而不是那些自命清高的女人：我年轻时候的纯洁爱侣，闻闻便会中毒的百合花，或者其他的什么。”“其他的又怎样？”康妮问。

"The rest? There is no rest. Only to my experience the mass of women are like this: most of them want a man, but don't want the sex, but they put up with it, as part of the bargain. The more old-fashioned sort just lie there like nothing and let you go ahead. They don't mind afterwards: then they like you. But the actual thing itself is nothing to them, a bit distasteful. Add most men like it that way. I hate it. But the sly sort of women who are like that pretend they're not. They pretend they're passionate and have thrills. But it's all cockaloopy. They make it up. Then there's the ones that love everything, every kind of feeling and cuddling and going off, every kind except the natural one. They always make you go off when you're not in the only place you should be, when you go off. Then there's the hard sort, that are the devil to bring off at all, and bring themselves off, like my wife. They want to be the active party. Then there's the sort that's just dead inside: but dead: and they know it. Then there's the sort that puts you out before you really "come", and go on writhing their loins till they bring themselves off against your thighs. But they're mostly the Lesbian sort. It's astonishing how Lesbian women are, consciously or unconsciously. Seems to me they're nearly all Lesbian.” "And do you mind?" Asked Connie.

“其他的？倒没啥其他的。不过根据我的经验，女人无外乎以下几种：大多数要个男人来依靠，却不想要性爱，但却可以勉强忍受，作为交易的一部分。稍微老派些的只会干躺在那儿，任你怎样折腾。她们若是爱上你，对这种事也并不会在意。但她们对性爱根本提不起半点兴趣，甚至有些反感。大多数男人喜欢此类女人。而我却不以为然。但也有种女人相当狡猾，明明属于这种类型，却装作不是。她们装得热情似火，意乱情迷。但这些都不过是骗人的鬼把戏。她们只是在装模作样。此外还有一类，她们热衷于各种玩法，花样翻新的爱抚、拥抱以及高潮，唯一不能接受的就是自然而然的那种。她们总能让你在状态不佳时达到高潮。还有一类属于硬骨头，要达到高潮简直难上加难，她们往往选择自力更生，我妻子就是如此。她们需要占据主动的位置。还有一种，她们的体内完全没有感觉，麻木不仁，而她们也深知这一点。再有一种，她们会让你在满足之前就丢盔卸甲，然后继续扭动着腰肢，紧紧抵住你的大腿，直到自己达到高潮。但这类女人多数有同性恋倾向。令人吃惊的是，世间的女子都或多或少有些同性恋，无论有意或者无心。依我看，她们几乎全是同性恋者。”“那你介意吗”康妮问。

"I could kill them. When I'm with a woman who's really Lesbian, I fairly howl in my soul, wanting to kill her.” "And what do you do?" "Just go away as fast as I can." "But do you think Lesbian women any worse than homosexual men?" "I do! Because I've suffered more from them. In the abstract, I've no idea. When I get with a Lesbian woman, whether she knows she's one or not, I see red. No, no! But I wanted to have nothing to do with any woman any more. I wanted to keep to myself: keep my privacy and my decency.” He looked pale, and his brows were sombre.

“我恨不得弄死她们。当我和地道的女同性恋共处，我的内心都在咆哮，只想置她于死地。”“你会怎么做？”“躲得远远的，动作越快越好。”“但你认为与男同性恋相比，女同更加不可救药吗？”“当然！因为她们让我吃到更多苦头。从理论上来讲，我也分不清两者的优劣。要是遇到女同性恋，无论她自己是否意识到这一点，我总会火冒三丈。不，不！可我不再想与任何女人有瓜葛。我宁愿孤身一人，让清静和尊严得以存续。”他脸色苍白，眉头紧锁。

"And were you sorry when I came along?" She asked.

“我的出现，让你感到懊悔吗？”她问。

"I was sorry and I was glad." "And what are you now?" "I'm sorry, from the outside: all the complications and the ugliness and recrimination that's bound to come, sooner or later. That's when my blood sinks, and I'm low. But when my blood comes up, I'm glad. I'm even triumphant. I was really getting bitter. I thought there was no real sex left: never a woman who'd really "come" naturally with a man: except black women, and somehow, well, we're white men: and they're a bit like mud.” "And now, are you glad of me?" She asked.

“既懊悔，又开心。”“那你现在的感受呢？”“我的烦恼来自外界：错综复杂的纠纷，无比丑陋的责难，终究都会到来，不过是早晚的问题而已。当我情绪低落，灰心丧气的时候，往往会这么想。而每当情绪高昂，血脉贲张的时候，却又感觉洋洋自得。甚至是兴高采烈。之前，我确实愈发苦恼。我以为再也遇不到酣畅淋漓的性爱，再也没有能跟男人共享高潮的女人，但黑人女子除外，可我们毕竟是白人，而她们的肤色却有点像泥巴。”“那么现在呢，拥有我，你感到开心吗？”她问。